Of Blood And War
by Khrat9
Summary: I'm made of blood and war. Distant and cold as a star... My brief version of Tamsin's journey before she joined the Sunshine Gang.


Hey, this is my first story for Lost Girl. It's inspired by a poem I wrote for Tamsin. Hope you will like it. English is not my first language so please bear with me and don't hesitate to tell me if my grammar sucks.

Enjoy ! :)

OF BLOOD AND WAR

_I'm made of blood and war_

All she remembers of her childhood, is the training. She remembers training in the rain, in the middle of snows storms, in frozen deserts or blazing suns. It was hard and challenging. But she kept on going because she was meant to be a great warrior. Deep down, that thought kept her from freezing at night as she went to sleep. It gave her the will to survive no matter what. It gave her strength, endurance and hope.

Her purpose was to bring the bravest warriors in Valhalla. Where they could finally rest in the afterlife. She wanted to be one of those warriors people sang about. She wanted to be remembered for her exploits in the battlefield and praised for her tenacity, courage and strength. War didn't scare her. _Au contraire_, she craved for it.

The first war she fought in only strengthen the belief that she was made for it. She could recall vividly how her blood pumped in her veins as she was standing in line waiting for the sound of the horn. How the thrill of the fight made her shiver. How she never felt so alive than when she was about to charge, war cries resounding deep and loud in her ears.

_Distant and cold as a star_

She was efficient and ruthless, she was everything she wanted to be.

She fought in many wars, she brought many to Valhalla. She was proud and arrogant. She felt invincible. And she was. Valkyries respected her. They saw her as a leader, a fearless warrior. She became someone to look up to.

_Doubt is my true power_

As the time went by. She noticed how weak she was becoming. How her arms could not quite parry a blow fast enough. How everyone became stronger while she was barely coming out alive of her last fight. She was stunted. The doubt she was casting in the eyes of her enemies was now reflected in her own.

Each fight felt like the last one. The thrill was gone, it was replace by fear. She wondered if she would be strong enough to endure all the fights ahead of her. If she would be fast enough to live another day.

_As I live to serve and expire_

She was young and naïve. The first time she died was such a shock. She believed herself to be invincible and yet she was killed because her arm couldn't hold her sword anymore. It felt too heavy as she delivered blows after blows.

Her body could not keep up. It betrayed her. She lowered her guard and a sword pierced right through her stomach. She didn't see it coming. She just felt this intense pain, felt her blood pouring out of her wound. Her legs gave up. She kneeled in disbelief.

The fight did not stop as she fell. It kept on going. The clashing of swords, the grunts and cries, the sound of her heartbeat became weaker, fading slowly as everything went black.

_It feels lonely and sad_

To rebirth was a strange thing. She woke up as good as new but with pain and weariness lingering at the edge of her mind. She felt strange and queasy in her new body. But she kept on going and did what she was best at.

She trained all over again and threw herself in fights. Her body was at her prime but she felt a sadness encompassing her heart that wasn't there before.

She knew now that she was going to die over and over again.

_This situation makes me mad_

She drowned her confusion and sadness in alcohol. She did not know if she should enjoy this lifetime or just let it pass by. She did not know if she should fight for her life or just wait for her death.

She became crueller. More vicious in her fights. Distant and sarcastic.

She felt numb.

_I live over and over again_

After many lifetimes, she decided that dying was the easiest part. Living again was harder. She witnessed the world change, she saw people come and go. She lived and died. Over and over again.

Everything felt the same. Blood, war, greed, lust. The fights seemed now vain. She was no longer chasing after honour. She felt old and tired.

_Wishing that it would end_

Immortality lost its appeal. The only novelty was to discover what kind of new beverage was invented while she was gone. She decided that vodka was the best one yet.

She numbed herself from feeling too much.

Sometimes, she would take a stroll in the human world. She would watch how they were living, how they felt everything more intensely. How pain felt more painful and happiness, happier.

She was envious. Because when humans do realize how fleeting their life is, they make a point to enjoy it the best they can.

_I long for hope to take me_

She became more cynical lifetimes after lifetimes. The world did not surprise her anymore. Wars history kept on repeating itself. The sense of heroism lost its strength century after century.

She lost her will to see greatness, she lost her capacity to be amazed. She no longer wanted to try.

_Somewhere I could be free_

He came to her one night. He gave her a way out. He promised her everything she thought she lost and renewed her purpose. He was a change she did not see coming and she liked it.

She was no longer waiting for noble warriors to fall on the battlefield. To witness the pain and disbelief in their eyes. She was now hunting. She would go after a trail for months and never felt tired. She was chasing people everyone thought were too strong or too sneaky to get caught.

He had presented her a challenge and the thrill of the hunt warmed her blood.

_But I'm a prisoner in his hands_

He sent her after hundreds of people. Fae, humans, under-fae. She never questioned it because she did not care. She was only content on being presented a challenge. Something that would make her feel alive.

The first time she failed on bringing him a mark, she saw in how much trouble she really was. It was just a man, an easy mark she thought, but he died before she could bring him to Him. And she paid dearly for it.

She did not want to imagine what he would do to her if she failed to bring him a mark because she wasn't willing to.

_Sent away in faraway lands _

In the end, working for Him felt like another curse in disguise. She was his mercenary. She would bring him people and thus she would secure for herself another lifetime. She did not know how each death seemed more painful since she began to work for Him.

But she noticed that her lifetime did not last as long as they used to. She felt perpetually weak, even after her rebirth. She stopped trying to understand how her life became like this.

She build walls around her heart so she could be able to bear to live days after days. She used sarcasm and wit to make her seems tougher. She used a look of haughty indifference to make people think that the world did not get to her.

She used all that to mask the doubt, the fear and loneliness she chose to bury deep inside as she waits for another mark to reveal itself to her.


End file.
